名篇背诵：Painful Sadness 痛悔

Painful Sadness 痛悔

彼得·本奇利(Peter Benchley)

A terrible, painful sadness clutched at Ellen. More than ever before, she felt that her life — the best part of it, at least, the part that was fresh and fun — was behind her. Recognizing the sensation made her feel guilty, for she read it as proof that she was an unsatisfactory mother, an unsatisfied wife. She hated her life, and hated herself for hating it. She thought of a line from a song Billy played on the stereo:“I'd trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday.” Would she make a deal like that? She wondered. But what good was there in wondering? Yesterdays were gone, spinning ever farther away down a shaft that had no bottom. None of the richness, none of the delight, could ever be retrieved .

- clutch [klʌtʃ] v. 抓住，攫住

- sensation [senˈseɪʃən] n. 感觉，感动

- spin [spɪn] v. 旋转

- shaft [ʃɑːft] n. 柄，杆

- retrieve [rɪˈtriːv] v. 取回，挽回

一阵可怕的痛悔攫取了艾伦的心。她比以往任何时候都深切地感受到她的人生，至少最好的一段人生，充满新鲜感与乐趣的一段，远去了。这种感受使她有负疚感，这段人生的回顾证明她是不尽如人意的母亲，得不到满足的妻子。她憎恨这段生活，从而憎恨自己。她回忆起了比利在立体声收音机上放的一首歌中的一句：“我愿拿全部明天换取一个昨天。”她会做这种交易吗？她不确定。但是这样想有什么用呢？昨天已顺着一个轴心转向无底深渊。没有什么丰富多彩，没有什么快乐欢畅能够重来了。

彼得·本奇利(1940—2006)，现代美国小说家，曾创作了畅销小说《大白鲨》(White Shark， 1994)和《魔兽》(Beast， 1991)(港译《深海异种》)，两部小说均被拍成了十分受青年人欢迎的影片。