名篇背诵：Three Periods of My Youth 我年轻时代的三个阶段

Three Periods of My Youth 我年轻时代的三个阶段

约翰·伍尔曼(John Woolman)

About the twelfth year of my age, my father being abroad, my mother reproved me for some misconduct, to which I made an undutiful reply; and the next first-day, as I was with my father returning from meeting, he told me he understood I had behaved amiss to my mother, and advised me to be more careful in future. I knew myself blamable, and in shame and confusion remained silent. Being thus awakened to a sense of my wickedness, I felt remorse in my mind, and getting home, I retired and prayed to the Lord to forgive me; and I do not remember that I ever, after that, spoke unhandsomely to either of my parents, however foolish in some other things.

Having attained the age of sixteen, I began to love wanton company: and though I was preserved from profane language or scandalous conduct, still I perceived a plant in me which produced much wild grapes. Yet my merciful Father forsook me not utterly, but at times, through His grace, I was brought seriously to consider my ways; and the sight of my backsliding affected me with sorrow: but for want of rightly attending to the reproofs of instruction, vanity was added to vanity, and repentance . Upon the whole, my mind was more and more alienated from the truth, and I hastened towards destruction. While I meditate on the gulf towards which I traveled, and reflect on my youthful disobedience, my heart is affected with sorrow.

Thus time passed on, my heart was replenished with mirth and wantonness, while pleasing scenes of vanity were presented to my imagination, till I attained the age of eighteen years, near which time I felt the judgments of God in my soul like a consuming fire , and looking over my past life, the prospect was moving. I was often sad, and longed to be delivered from those vanities; then again my heart was strongly inclined to them, and there was in me a sore conflict. At times I turned to folly, and then again sorrow and confusion took hold of me. In a while, I resolved totally to leave off some of my vanities, but there was a secret reserve in my heart, of the more refined part of them, and I was not low enough to find true peace. Thus for some months, I had great troubles and disquiet, there remaining in me an unsubjected will, which rendered my labors fruitless, till at length, through the merciful continuance of heavenly visitations, I was made to bow down in spirit before the Most High . I remember one evening I had spent some time in reading a pious author, and walking out alone, I humbly prayed to the Lord for His help, that I might be delivered from those vanities which so ensnared me... And I may say with reverence, he was near to me in my troubles, and in those times of humiliation opened my ear to discipline.

- wanton [ˈwɒntən] a. 荒唐的，嬉戏的

profane language 污言秽语

merciful Father 仁慈的主

- repentance [rɪˈpentəns] n. 悔恨

a consuming fire 熊熊燃烧的大火

the Most High 上帝，主

我大约12岁时，父亲当时正在国外，母亲因为我的不端行为而责骂我，对于这种责骂，我的回答可以说是大不敬。接下来的星期天，当我见到开会回来的父亲时，他告诉我他理解我对母亲表现出的忤逆，劝我今后要更加小心。我知道自己该受责备，因为羞愧和心情烦乱而沉默不语。就这样我被唤醒感觉到了自己的邪恶，心里感觉到悔恨。到家后，我便回到自己的房里，向上帝祈祷，请求上帝宽恕。自那之后，无论在别的事情上我多么愚蠢，我不记得自己曾对父亲或母亲再说过什么不礼貌的话。

到了16岁的时候，我开始喜欢结交言行不检点的伙伴：虽然我自己不讲脏话，不做有损名誉的事，可是觉察到内心有一株植物，上面结了许多野葡萄。可是慈悲的父亲没有完全抛弃我，而是时常通过他的慈悲情怀开导，让我认认真真考虑自己的行为，眼看着自己在堕落给我带来了痛苦，但是因为没有聆听逆耳的忠言，越发虚荣，深感悔恨。总的看，我的头脑越来越疏远真理，我在迅速走向毁灭。当我冥想着我的人生正在迈向的鸿沟，反思着年轻时的叛逆不端，我的心就十分痛苦。

时光流逝着，我的心快乐着，放荡不羁，同时虚荣的快乐场景也展现在我的想象中。直到我18岁，就在那前后一段时间，我感到上帝对自己灵魂的裁判，如熊熊烈火，回顾以往的生活，感到前途渺茫。我时常悲伤，渴望从那些虚荣中解脱，接着我的内心又强烈地偏好这些虚荣的东西，我的心痛苦而矛盾。有时候我转而干傻事，然后痛苦和混乱再次控制了我。一会儿，我下决心完全摆脱虚荣的东西，但是在内心还是秘密地隐藏着虚荣的更加精致的部分，而我还没有低贱到可以找到真正的安宁。这样，好几个月内，我深陷苦恼与烦躁之中，我的内心有一种狂野的意志，使我的努力都成徒劳，直到最后，由于上帝耐心持续的规劝，我才在灵魂深处在上帝面前鞠躬谢罪。记得那天晚上我花了一些时间阅读一位虔诚的作者的书，独自一人走了出去，毕恭毕敬地向上帝请求帮助，帮我摆脱我深陷其中而不能自拔的那些虚荣的东西……我可以虔诚地说，在我苦恼的时候，上帝在我身边，在那些耻辱的时刻，让我恭听训诫。

约翰·伍尔曼(1720—1772)，美国贵格会传教士、牧师。他发表演说，写文章反对奴隶主义，出版了不少宗教著述。