名篇背诵：On Looking Back 蓦然回首

On Looking Back 蓦然回首

乔治·吉辛(George Gissing)

Nevertheless, my life is over.

What a little thing! I knew how the philosophers had spoken; I repeated their musical phrases about the mortal span — yet never till now believed them. And this is all? A man's life can be so brief and so vain? Idly would I persuade myself that life, in the true sense, is only now beginning; that the time of sweat and fear was not life at all, and that it now only depends upon my will to lead a worthy existence. That may be a sort of consolation, but it does not obscure the truth that I shall never again see possibilities and promises opening before me. I have “retired”， and for me as truly as for the retired tradesman, life is over. I can look back upon its completed course, and what a little thing! I am tempted to laugh; I hold myself within the limit of a smile.

And that is best, to smile not in scorn, but in all forbearance , without too much self-compassion . After all, that dreadful aspect of the thing never really took hold of me; I could put it by without much effort. Life is done — and what matter? Whether it has been, in sum, painful or enjoyable, even now I cannot say — a fact which in itself should prevent me from taking the loss too seriously. What does it matter? Destiny with the hidden face decreed that I should come into being, play my little part, and pass again into silence; is it mine either to approve or to rebel? Let me be grateful that I have suffered no intolerable wrong, no terrible woe of flesh or spirit, such as others — alas! alas! — have found in their lot . Is it not much to have accomplished so large a part of the mortal journey with so much ease? If I find myself astonished at its brevity and small significance, why, that is my own fault; the voices of those gone before had sufficiently warned me. Better to see the truth now, and accept it, than to fall into dread surprise on some day of weakness, and foolishly to cry against fate. I will be glad rather than sorry, and think of the thing no more.

- mortal [ˈmɔːtl] a. 终有一死的

- span [spæn] n. 一段时间；指距

- forbearance [fɔːˈbeərəns] n. 忍耐，克制

- self-compassion [ˈselfkəmˈpæʃn] n. 自怜

- lot [lɒt] n. 命运，某一类人

不管怎么说，我的人生完结了。

那算什么大不了的事呀！我知道哲学家怎么说这句话的；我重复了他们有关生命期限的中听的话——但是在这之前从来没有信过他们。那么，这就完了？一个人的一生会是这么短暂，这么无用？我懒洋洋地劝慰自己，真正意义上的生活才刚要开始，而以前那些辛苦劳作、担心害怕的日子根本算不上是生活，现在只有凭着我的意志，才能过一种有价值的生活。那可以是一种安慰，但却不能掩盖这样一个事实：我将再也不能看到在自己面前展开的各种可能和希望了。我“退休”了，对于我，一个真正的手工艺人，人生完结了。我可以回首已经走完的道路，的确是些许小事呀！我真想放声大笑，不过还是克制住自己，只是微微一笑而已。

一笑置之，不夹杂对自我强烈的惋惜，不藐视自己的过去，而是宽恕自己，这才是最好的态度。毕竟，我们经历的还不是最糟糕的，最糟糕的东西我轻而易举地摆脱了。人生完结了——那有什么关系？那一段生活从总体上看是痛苦的还是快乐的，我到现在也不能确定——这个事实本身就使我不会把失去的看得太重。那有什么关系呢？命运不露真容，作出了裁定，我该出生，扮演自己的小角色，然后沦归于天。我的角色是不是要么赞同，要么反抗？我要感激的是至今没有受到不可忍受的委曲，没有可怕的肉体上与精神上的痛苦——天哪，天哪，有的人的命运可不及我呀。这么顺利完成了如此大的一部分人生之旅，这还不算了不起吗？如果我对生命短暂、意义甚微感到震惊，那我就是咎由自取，因为在我前面离世的人，他们的话语已给了我足够的提醒。现在最好是看清现实，接受它，而不是在某个虚弱不堪的日子陷入恐怖的震惊，而不是愚蠢地为命运而哭泣。我会高兴而不悔恨，不再想不尽如人意的事了。

乔治·吉辛(1857—1903)，英国小说家，一生穷困潦倒，作品以否定现实社会的态度反映伦敦下层生活，作品有《查尔斯·狄更斯评传》(Charles Dickens: A Critical Study, 1898)，《新格鲁勃街》(New Grub Street ，1891)，《德谟斯》(Demos ，1886)，《阴曹地府》(The Nether World ，1889)，《单身妇女》(The Odd Women ，1893)，最后一部小说是《四季随笔》(The Private Paper of Herry Ryecroft ，1903)。作者着意心理探索，作品中往往倾注着对生活的体验和理想。